Bloomin

As per my last post, I have set a goal for myself. An on-going goal. A year long goal in fact. I have commited to reading through the Bible using the one year reading plan provided in the back of my copy. So far, i have succeeded in staying on track for little over a month now. Granted, on weekends I tend to fall behing and have to take up the slack in my reading on Monday and Tuesday, but constant none the less. I have found that even though I don't necessarily walk away with a verse that struck me and convicted me, I am growing more familiar with the ultimate picture the Bible provides. I am learning more about God's character from the old testament readings and more on Jesus' heart in the new. I am growing in understanding...

Tired and Weary....

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Do You ever grow tired or weary of following after Christ? Sounds horrible huh? But I do... I get into the habit of not seeking after Him. Whether it is a busy weekend or a visit from family that gets me off track with my daily quiet times and prayer, I get off my routine and can't seem to get back on that illusive track I once rode. I grow weary of reading and praying without seeing the benefits.
I am so naive. I am so weak in my own sinful flesh. I return to my roots of sin and allow Satan to take hold. Grr Lindsey, Grr. I have been through this cycle how many times in my life? You would think by now that I would learn... but I don't. I am just not strong enough in my faith to remain constant to the One who truely loves me for me. He elected me before time began to be adopted into his big ole family of wonderfully blessed sinners. God chose ME. God adopted me from a parent who only wanted to use me. A parent who would have thrown me away at the flip of a switch if I were not satisfying his needs. Satan was the father I was born to. But God is the Father I was called to. God rescued me from my abusive birth parent and SAVED ME from my own sin. Yes, I still sin, yes I still struggle with my former parent... but God has CUSTODY of me and He is never relenquishing those rights. Why? Because he NEVER grows tired or weary. Never. I hope in the Lord, and so I am assured that He will strenghten me. He will renew me. He will continue to pick me up, kiss my boo-boos and set me on the right path. But I need to dig my heels into the ground which He has planted me on. I need to not only hope... but TRUST. Whole-heartedly, trust that what I ask, I shall receive. Know, that if I prayed, in FAITH, that God would move The mountain in my backyard, that HE WOULD MOVE IT. Alas, I don't think his will is for the mountain to be moved, but I wouldn't be fit to pray for it anyways. Time to walk and not grow faint... time to be in prayer for increased strenght and FAITH. Time to search the scriptures for encouragement in both areas... Join me. Satan is never going to satisfy our hearts. Satan will never be merciful to us. Satan will never strengthen us, or help us up when we fall. GOD WILL. GOD will mount us up on wings like eagles. Let's soar with Him. Let's reach for Him. Let's love Him, just as He loved us... after all, He Adopted us into His family... knowing full well what we would be like and the sins we would commit. I know I will fail. I know I will fall down and God will have to pick me up, set me straight, and watch me fail again... but I'd rather fall down while trying.
LL

Pondering the unknowns...

Sometimes, when completely alone, I sing songs about whatever my mind wanders to. Today... my lyrics turned to a question I am sure many people ask at some point in their lives. "What if we knew our future?" What if we could know our mistakes ahead of time and try to avoid them, but then that is assuming we can avoid them. If there is no God... maybe we could avoid them, but how? And if there is no God, then how would we have a future that could be told to us? Who would have planned it out and devised our lives' stories? How could we change the script if there is no writer?
If there IS a God, then wouldn't he already know that we would ask to change our lives? And knowing we would ask, would He not already change them? If no one ever died and no one ever sinned, what would the world really look like? If you were a mother to a child you had out of wed-lock, would you really want that child to be non-existant? If you grew deeper in your relationship with God when you lost one you loved, would you trade that for their life back? I am not saying I wouldn't change some of the things I did, but I am saying that I don't know which ones I would. I have grown in my relationship with my Heavenly Father... which by the way, THERE IS A GOD!... and that deeper knowledge of God and His mercy, in times of falling short of His glory, has made me able to better understand why some things happen in life and how I can USE those moments to improve myself for HIS glory. Why? Because... THAT is my purpose.

~ Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of God’s glory. Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly ~Romans 5:1-6

Bearing in mind that I am no poet... This is what came of my thoughts this morning.

It’s best we not know, leave our future untold.
God is much wiser, let His wisdom unfold.
What if you knew you were destined for Hell,
Would you attempt to raise it here, on Earth as well?
Knowing Heaven was for you from the start,
Would wisdom or folly be what you impart?
Knowing no sin could ever separate you,
Would you sin all day long, or be faithful and true?
What if ALL your sins were revealed,
The pressure there would be, to try and appeal.
But God’s plans are firm and made far in advance,
He’d already know you’d ask Him, given the chance.
Would you talk to God about sorrows and grief,
Or knowing He planned them, would there be no relief?
If knowing the time and the day,
Would you live for just YOU until passing away?
If I knew what God knew I would hold it in too,
I’d leave it a mystery until the time it came true.
Just knowing some things were destined to come,
I’d be bitter, broken, worn out and undone.
There would never be Joy or Peace in our hearts,
As we dealt with the burden, of playing our parts.
But life has a script that we will not read…
For that I am THANKFUL, thankful indeed.

In Christ,
LL

Stepping Heavenward

I just finished reading Stepping Heavenward by Prentiss. I am in love with this book. I must say that the author quite literally woke me up from my doom and gloom of a mood that has held me down as of late. I am very thankful for the way God uses each of us and the talents which He so graciously bestows upon us! I only wish I could be a write one day and inspire women with the words God chose to place in my heart. Perhaps one day. For now, I will settle for this book, which I know will be re-read and recommended over and over. I highly encourage a read or re-read on your behalf as well! Let the Lord lift you and encourage you in your own sanctification process!

Dry spell...

It has been a few months since my last post. I must admit that I credit this dry spell to that which left my spiritual life in drought as well. I have been very distant from God this summer as I placed other "idols" in His place. I have been so selfish and undeserving of the Love which I was still graciously bestowed... despite my lack of returned effections toward Him. While I did not earnestly seek Him, he has stirred me up and shown me areas in which I need to constantly repent and allow HIM to do the work. I have been relying on my own strength and power to defeat the sin, and not suprisingly... I have failed. How proud I am. How foolish to think that I, a mere creation of the Creator, could possibly conquer a sin that so viciously sent our Savior to His grave.
I finally had the courage to let my pride go and relenquish my sins to God. My temper and anger have been the main root of sin bearing rotten fruit in my life. It has been the rotten fruit that I have fed to my husband and son. I am ashamed to say so, but I must admit it to you as well as my God if I am to be held accountable. (Not to mention, I am covetous of your prayers in this area.) I am determined to allow GOD to sanctify me through my sin and that I would not try, hard as it is to sit back and wait, to create that clean heart on my own accord. I am very saddened to think that I fall into this trap over and over. I stand strong in Him for a little while and inevitably fall into thinking I could do it faster and more efficiently. Once I start falling into this web of thoughts, I soon become entrapt and begin trying even harder to fix myself in ALL areas. All of this usually results in an emotional and physical breakdown, or outburst, or EXPLOSION! *Sigh*
I KNOW that only my Savior can cleanse me. That He asks very little on my part. Trust and Obey. That's all. Trust and Obey. It is clear to me that he has called me to obey his commandments, specifically in regards to anger as of late. He has drawn me to scriptures that convict and encourage me in this area. I am such a wavering sinner, but I do TRUST in the finished work my Savior has done, and TRUST in the work He is yet completing in me this day! Praise the Lord Almighty for never leaving, no forasking us in our times of need... even if they are not times of want. (for Him that is) I NEED Jesus in my life. I NEED Jesus in my heart, so that He can be the overpour that comes from my mouth. That the words on my tongue would be kind and loving towards not only my husband and son, not only to any that surround me and come into contact with me, but to myself as well. That I could love myself as Christ does and not have such negative, self-degrationg thoughts. That I could joyfully serve my Savior with NO doubt of His love towards each and every being He has created.
So as I wait... as I trust and obey... as I seek Him knowing I am constantly being sanctified... as I confess and repent of my sins... and as I serve Him... I hope you will join me in praying for HIS glory to shine through and that there would constantly be less of my sinful heart exposed, yet more and more of HIS heart coming to the surface!
LL
Psalm 115
1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.

2 Why do the nations say,
"Where is their God?"

3 Our God is in heaven;
he does whatever pleases him.

4 But their idols are silver and gold,
made by the hands of men.

5 They have mouths, but cannot speak,
eyes, but they cannot see;

6 they have ears, but cannot hear,
noses, but they cannot smell;

7 they have hands, but cannot feel,
feet, but they cannot walk;
nor can they utter a sound with their throats.

8 Those who make them will be like them,
and so will all who trust in them.

9 O house of Israel, trust in the LORD—
he is their help and shield.

10 O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD—
he is their help and shield.

11 You who fear him, trust in the LORD—
he is their help and shield.

12 The LORD remembers us and will bless us:
He will bless the house of Israel,
he will bless the house of Aaron,

13 he will bless those who fear the LORD—
small and great alike.

14 May the LORD make you increase,
both you and your children.

15 May you be blessed by the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

16 The highest heavens belong to the LORD,
but the earth he has given to man.

17 It is not the dead who praise the LORD,
those who go down to silence;

18 it is we who extol the LORD,
both now and forevermore.
Praise the LORD. [b]

Homesick.

Getting a little homesick here...
Taylor and I are both starting to really miss those we left back home as we move into our 4th month in Korea. While we are finally settling into our new house, it has yet to feel like home. I know the old saying "home is where the heart is," but I think it is easier said than done to love a new place and new people in such a short amount of time. We have been making new friends here, but its not the same. It is hard starting over and having to divulge all the details of your live over and over again as you grow new friendships. It is hard having to lay it all out there and hope for the best, when you know in the back of your mind that back home, your friends already know your heart, your past, your flaws...
I miss having accountability partners. The most awkward thing about developing new friendships is trying to figure out how they will take loving discipline. I need for those around me to call me out on my sins and hold me accountable to my goals... but it seems like new relationships are not the place for that to happen. Everyone is afraid the friendship will fall apart before it is even brought together if they call one another out in their sin. Of course this is to be done in a loving way, but what does the other person consider a loving way? Geeesh... so many things you have to learn about one anothers' character.
It makes me think of my relationship with the Lord in some ways. It is hard to know you are sinning sometimes unless you take the time to get to know God's character and read his words. Unless you make the effort to spend time with your Savior, you will never know how to Love Him the way He desires us to. You will never form the relationship you so desire yourself and in turn, you can not conform to His image. I suppose we all want things to just "happen." To have new best friends instantly when we are lonely, or to be conformed to the image of Christ in one day! (For me, the latter is definitely true...) But in the end, it is all worth the effort and worth the lessons learned through our mistakes in those efforts.
Just thinking out loud today... just coveting your prayers for us as the homesickness comes in waves. Just waiting for the Lord to return and take us to the home I truely long for...
Homesick for Heaven,
LL

Such sweet sorrow...

More and more memories flood my mind as Owen's birthday approaches. Most of which are not of joy, but of sorrow. I find myself giving into the temptation to wonder...wonder what he might look like now. What his first words would have been. How he and Corin would be getting along... or not. There are many things I wonder about, but I then am reminded that he is enjoying the best celebration to ever be had. That Owen is smiling and cooing in the presence of his Heavenly Father. If nothing else, this one thought brings me joy as Owen's birthday draws closer and closer. That joy is merely a thread though for now... as I still feel an empty hole at the core of my heart. I still feel a longing for him to be in MY presence, in MY arms, in MY day to day life. I miss what could have been and what was. As Taylor and I talk about more children, I can't help but wonder if I will somehow struggle with felling as though I am "replacing" Owen. I have yet to hold a baby and wish them to be my own, but I am afraid of that feeling creeping in once we have our own. I am especially fearful for this if we were to have another boy. I wish I could convey my thoughts more clearly... but words can only do so much.

As of late, I have been struggling in my walk with the Lord. I have been through the gamit of questions, doubts and fears. I have been reliant upon myself to answer these questions and not looking to my Savior. But I am lacking the motivation to seek Him, to Trust Him to do good through my "misfortunes." As I learn to be content in the home here, where there are no daytime companions, I struggle to turn to the Lord for that comfort and companionship. I find other activities that consume my time... be it cooking or watching movies or even cleaning. It seems I have so many "distractions" that prevent me from reading God's word and praying more often. Please pray that I would be stirred. Pray that I would have peace during this season as I remember a son loved and lost. Pray that I would be able to connect with my Lord through this in that He has suffered a similar loss once too. Please pray that my actions would represent Christ to Corin and those around me, and that I would be reminded of this as I make my choices throughout the day. Thank you in advance for your prayers. I feel a little lonely here at times, but I know I am not alone...
LL
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. ~Deuteronomy 31:8

Where is my unwavering Faith?

Knowing that this past year has produced growth... I find myself wondering why I struggle to feel intimately connected with my Heavenly Father? I read His word, I pray often, I strive to implement that which I have read in my daily life... why the distant feeling? Where is my unwavering Faith that reaffirms all I believe to be Truth? Am I missing a step?
I have realized lately that I am not so certain I know true Fear. Do I really fear the Lord our God? I mean TRULY fear Him? I am not so sure. My actions lead me to believe that I am in need of a good whoopin'. If I truly feared God, wouldn't I fearfully submit to Him in all I do? Wouldn't I be afraid to sin against Him? Sometimes I actually catch myself thinking... He will forgive me. It's just a little act of sin, just a small form of rebellion, just a slight mistrust. UGGG! Is anyone else there with me? Is anyone else feeling as if they have bought into the "Loving God" a bit too much somewhere along the way? Feeling like their Faith has been shaken a bit by the ideal god that the world so desires? Yes, God is Love... this is true, but He is also Unchanging, All powerful, Undefileable, Just, Jealous, Gracious, All-Knowing, All-Seeing, Sovereign, Holy, and Self-Sufficient... just to name a few. So why am I so quick to rely on the Loving attributes? "...fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life." Deut 6:2b I want long life... I want that FEAR! Where is it hiding and why? "And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the LORD's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?" Deut 10:12-13. I want to serve God with all my heart and soul, but I know I can't unless I truly fear Him. Why am I not able to read the stories of God's wrath and know that He is to be feared... Why is it that I know he is the giver and taker of life... and yet I fear man more than Him? WHY?! I NEED to fear God so desperately. I WANT to fear God. I NEED prayer for this. I NEED the Holy Spirit to do a mighty work in my heart and strike fear into the depths on my being... to change me, to grow me, to conform me. I NEED. What about you?

Build up or tear down?

"The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1. I was listening to a sermon today on the topic of the proverbial wife. I was rather humbled by some of the topics covered, but this one verse tugged at the heart strings. I know that the past month I have been bitter an resistant to adjustment here in South Korea. I was not as joyfilled as I should have been, that I was able to serve God in a new and exciting country.So many things to experience... I just couldn't see past my self pity.
I have been in prayer lately over this lack of Joy. I have been asking the Lord to fill me with His Joy through the Holy Spirit who endwells me. I have seen results, and so has Taylor! It was not until I saw the joy in Taylors reaction to this change, that I recognized the pain I had been causing to him prior. I was tearing him down through my behavior and mood. He was not able to lean on me for comfort as I was always turning to him with a downhearted attitude. I was foolishly tearing down our house.
I want to be a wife who exhorts my husband. Who helps my husband. Who brings him glory. Who loves him and does him good and not evil all the days of my life. I want to be the wife God has intend for him... a prudent, gently, quiet, kind, and submissive wife. It may not always be easy, but I can find strength in the Lord. I must. I want a marriage that lasts, a home with a firm foundation, and a loving nature that honors God. Please pray for me as I continue to conform to the image of God, as I strive to imitate Christ in my daily life, and as I demonstrate His Love in my relationship with Taylor. thank you.
LL
Sermon that stirred...

Hasten to be rich... no more!

I was reading in Proverbs 28 today and felt rightly convicted after reading verse 20. "A faithful man will abound with blessings, But he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished." I feel as though I have been desiring after worldly things here lately. I grumble about not having things I want for our new home and food that would be nice to add to the menu. I have been a fool. I see now that not only was I affected by these sinful and lustful thoughts, but my family as well, namely Taylor. I was placing a heavier burden upon his shoulders each time I grumbled or complained about an item I wanted, but could not afford. I was speaking through subliminal messages that I myself was too decieved to see. I was telling Taylor "you are not providing for our family" with every complaint. I was no longer doing him good, but rather evil. I was was sinning against both the Lord and Taylor and for that I must apologize and ask forgiveness. After lifting a repentful prayer to my Heavenly Father, I looked through the rest of the Proverbs for more snippets of wisdom in this area and stumbbled across more than a dozen! It is clear that I am not the only one that struggles with lusting after worldly things, but it is also clear that God will deal with them justly. I stand in fear of the Living God and do not desire to be in the wake of His wrath, and so I will take to heart the many scriptures revealed to me today and hold fast to them. I know I will stumble now and then, but I can now stand firm in the Truth of His word and know that "Better is a little with righteousness, Than vast revenues without justice." Prov. 16:8 I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit in this area, but would ask that you join me in praying for those who struggle with this sin and may not be aware. I also ask that you lovingly address them in their sin. For we are called to "encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:13

I am most often blinded to my own sin... Thank you Lord for blessing me with the Holy Spirit who convicts me, and for my husband... who loves me enough to tell me when I am struggling in sin.
LL

Lonely and Afflicted

As of late, I have been in a rather grumpy mood. I am feeling less and less connected with the world. I find myself hiding in our apartment, wasting away the hours until Taylor gets home. I am discouraged by my circumstances and it reflects through my actions. I grieve over things I can no longer possess, material objects I convinced myself into thinking would make life easier or more comfortable. I am ashamed of my sinful thoughts and behavior. I feel at times, that I am justified in my actions in that I feel lonely and afflicted. Today I strayed from my typical path for reading. I decided to do some topical reading instead. My heart is heavy and in need of comforting and encouragement and so I turned to the Psalms. Psalm 25 read like a prayer I myself should be praying. And so I did... I longed for David's words to be my own. I longed for the mercy he cried out for. The deliverance. Taylor and Corin have been the recipients of much of my bitterness. I have not been flushing the toilet of my heart and so the waste has now become overflow. As I poured the words of David into my heart, it became like liquid plumber for my soul. As humorous as this may sound, it could not have been more serious or needed. I have apologized to both Taylor and Corin for my angry outbursts and cold shoulders. I am still struggling to bring positive thoughts to the forefront of my mind throughout the day. I do get lonely. I do feel afflicted. I know Satan is able to use my negative thoughts to fill my heart with waste again, but I do NOT desire that. I am weak and made of merely flesh, but the Lord has granted me a way out. I have the gift of the Holy Spirit to battle in my weakness and to use my strengths for His purpose. Please join me in prayer for the cleansing and healing of my hardening heart, that I would become joyous in my circumstances and a light to my family. That I would exhort and encourage my guys and not tear them down. In asking for this, I leave you with the words of David which so clearly ask on my behalf, what I may not have known to speak otherwise. Thank you Lord for the gift of scripture and how deeply it works to transform our hearts so that our overflow may be pure.

Psalm 25: To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in You; Let me not be ashamed; Let not my enemies triumph over me. Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed; Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause. Show me Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day. Remember, O LORD, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses, For they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; According to Your mercy remember me, For Your goodness’ sake, O LORD. Good and upright is the LORD; Therefore He teaches sinners in the way. The humble He guides in justice, And the humble He teaches His way. All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth, To such as keep His covenant and His testimonies. For Your name’s sake, O LORD, Pardon my iniquity, for it is great. Who is the man that fears the LORD? Him shall He[a] teach in the way He[b] chooses. He himself shall dwell in prosperity, And his descendants shall inherit the earth. The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him, And He will show them His covenant. My eyes are ever toward the LORD, For He shall pluck my feet out of the net. Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me, For I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses! Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins. Consider my enemies, for they are many; And they hate me with cruel hatred. Keep my soul, and deliver me; Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You. Redeem Israel, O God, Out of all their troubles!

The one thing I am saved from, I fear?

John 5:24 states "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." I have crossed over from death to life. How encouraging and mind boggling is that?! Should I not desire to see my Savior, the sole provider of that Life through His own death? I should and I do. I desire to see my Savior face to face. To be overflowing with a joy I can only dream of. I desire that greatly, but I also fear leaving this wretched world. I fear leaving those I love. I fear not finding those I had hoped believed in the ultimate Hope. I fear Owen will not be there, waiting to be held once more by his earthly mother as he sits in awe of his Heavenly Father. These are all fears that burn in my heart, fueled by Satan himself. Even when I know this to be true, I fear. I fear for others that I might lose, as if they were mine to begin with. I know that I am only 25, and God is only beginning the refining process. But as these flaws and impurities boil to the surface, I often find myself wondering when they will evaporate away to reveal the pure. When will I fear no longer? When will I, like my dear friend facing health problems later in life, find a peace that comes only through that refining. I suppose I have yet to face my many trials. I have yet to see His purpose in those which I have faced thus far. I have much wisdom to gain from His scriptures... and so the pot slowly boils away. The sifting and skimming continues on. I am confident in my God and know that at the right time, I too will make peace with my fears and the only fear left will be my rightly fear of God the Father. I cherish that thought as I pray for those I long to selfishly hold near. God, you are infinitely GOOD!


1 Peter 1:3-9 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
LL

Proverbs 16

As I read Proverbs 16 yesterday, it seemed to be a continuing theme from chapter 15. I read on and underlined "heart" and "mouth" as I read finding that indeed the contrast between the righteous and wicked continued on in reference to the mouth being the fountain of the heart. I then began to wonder what God could be using this scripture to say to my heart for producing change? I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew something was there. I had noticed that the author opens and closes the chapter with "from the Lord." It grabbed my attention as I continued looking for the hidden message He had for me. I read through a couple more times with no success, but highlighted a verse that struck a cord in my own heart. Verse 23 "The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds understanding to his lips." Here again the heart and mouth are used to show a cause and effect of the products created from your pursuit of godliness... or lack there of. As I wrapped up my study to continue on to Romans, I read through once more, hoping I might see the application in my life beyond the face value of the scriptures. I didn't happen and so I went to bed with the question somewhat lingering in my thoughts.
This morning I awoke to the question again. There MUST be something to this scripture that God would have me learn. After making a fresh cup of coffee, I sat down to check my e-mail while Corin gobbled up his breakfast. As I read through the messages sent, a friend of mine kept racing through my thoughts and so I decided to write her a short note. At the conclusion of the note, I had the revelation! God wanted me to be a living example! I have a disadvantage in not speaking Korean to minister to the women and children in my community, but I can live out my Faith. My actions can speak more loudly and clearly than my words at times and so I need to be mindful of how I represent Christ thought those actions. Aha! I was elated when I finally realized the message God intended for me. It was very evident that this was "from the Lord" in that I had such clarity in my thoughts on this topic. I was amazed how God used my somewhat new friendship to bring this about. I am so glad that God uses those around us to speak wisdom into our hearts! Praises to our Lord and Father for guidance and direction in our lives for without You, we would be eternally lost! Proverbs 16:9 " A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps."
LL

Proverbs 15

I will begin with an update concerning my last post. I am a huge believer in the power of prayer as I have and will continue to proclaim! The night after confessing to you the burdening thoughts weighing on my heart, I was able to lie down without fear or frailty. I slept well that night and to date, every night thereafter! I still think of Owen often, but my tears are that of joy in knowing he is well Loved and missed by many. I am thankful for a gracious God and willing brothers and sisters who lifted me to this place. Thank you and many praises to the Living God!
I am not sure how you go about deciding where you will read in God’s word, but more often than not, I am convicted of a sin in my life and look up passages accordingly. I am encouraged in the scripture I find through the reassuring fact that I am not the only one who has struggled in this area. I am thankful that we are able to read God’s promises and desires for action in each situation. I love having a guide book when I am indeed feeling rather lost. Feeling convicted by my words of anger while disciplining Corin this morning, I turned to my concordance seeking direction. I am always drawn to the Proverbs because they are bite size bits of wisdom that are easily recited to memory and so I scanned the reference books and landed in Proverbs 15. I read through the chapter at least three times before seeing a pattern. The “heart” and the “mouth” repeated throughout, contrasting the righteous and the sinful. Vs 28 “The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.” I went through and underlined each reference, then looked up both words in Vine’s expository dictionary.
Heart: In this case the definition would be described as “inner man” or “inner being” in that everything flows from the heart… thoughts, actions, desires and words. Taking this into account, I found the verse in Matthew where the Pharisees are being reprimanded by Christ for their blasphemous words regarding the Holy Spirit. Matt 12:33-35 “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.” I have often been told that the dirtiest part of your body is… you guessed it, the mouth. In our society, good dental hygiene is engrained in our minds and daily routines from the very first tooth… which for most is within the first year of life. As you grow older, you are faced with social pressure to maintain a white smile and fresh breath. How many of those infants that are having their gums scrubbed with a finger brush are being sung to or read to about Jesus? How many people do you suppose read their Bibles or even prays as often as they brush? It is sad to think of how much I do for my outward appearances, and how little I care for the “inner man.”
After coming to this conclusion on the matter, I reflected on the fruit I myself am bearing. What example am I setting for Corin? How am I representing Christ in claiming Him and yet spitting out rotting fruit? I am humbled in thinking on how much you can tell of one’s spiritual walk by merely listening to them speak. I too often have caught myself in the midst of gossip or anger or bitterness or you name it… I am called to react to my sin in a way that is glorifying to God. Colossians 3:17 came to mind as I closed in prayer, confessing my sin to God. “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” I am very thankful for this revelation and humility. (As the Lord would have it, I read Romans 7 today as well… God reinforces!)
*LL

Retraction...

After posting my thoughts on Romans 5, I have been under attack from Satan. I am certain he works through our confidence to tear us down. Owen has been on my heart a lot lately, but more disturbing, his death has been surrounding me with unfamiliar guilt this past week. I have been re-living the day he passed over and over wondering what I could have and should have done differently. As I begin to grow angry with myself, I am finding that reciting what little scripture I have memorized seems to help in distracting my mind. I have looked up verses that comfort me personally and will begin memorizing them today. I need extra prayer against Satan right now as these emotions come crashing in on me, especially when I lay down to sleep. I fear closing my eyes, I don't want to see those images. I don't want to re-live those feelings. I want to remember Owen as the happy blessing he was! I know that I will always be sad in remembering him, but I do not want to fear how I remember him... Please pray for peace and also for comfort as I battle homesickness as well. Thank you.
LL

Thinking out loud...Romans 5

I have often wondered how God could grant us such overwhelming Grace that we would be able to get through anything. How he could never give us more than we could withstand. I could never imagine what that limit was... the limit of what we could actually handle. I think somehow I always assumed it would be what we would physically be able to withstand and not emotionally. As most of you know, Taylor and I lost our 6 week old son this past July. Most of you also were able to witness the grace given to me during this time. God lifted me to a point where I felt as if I were in a dream. That I wasn't really processing all that was happening because I had true Peace about Owen's death. I knew there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome because it was simply his time to go. I must preface this by saying that I still ache for my son. I still weep when I think of him and all the things he would be doing right now, but I do not have any taunting questions or negative feelings towards God for the loss of Owen in this world. I was reminded of this peace today as I read through Romans 5. The chapter starts off: "Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in the hope of the glory of God, and not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." These few verses hold true in times of tribulation if you are willing to allow God to work in your heart through the Holy Spirit. Having witnessed it first hand, I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, and how sufficient God is in our times of need. I was carried on the prayers of those around me until I was willing to bring my own sorrows to the foot of His throne. As I lay them down at the feet of my Lord and Savior, I was immediately filled to the brim with peace, standing in the grace of God's faithful presence. It sounds odd to glory in tribulations when you read this, having not gone through any harsh trials. Some of us may never experience true tribulations. For those who do, it is beyond comforting to know that God promises to uphold us as described in Romans 5. Praise God for his unfailing love and unbreakable promises. Now I struggle with laying the small trials at his feet and remembering that his grace is enough everyday... not just in times of dire need. Thank you Lord for reminding me of this today. Amen.
LL

Romans 2:17-29

I have always loved the fact that the Scriptures speak to your heart in different ways in different seasons of your life. At times, God's words are soothing, others they are reaffirming, but most often, they are convicting... at least for myself. I often find at least one line of scripture that calls me to be more mindful in my pursuit of Godliness. I have many hidden faults that boil beneath my skin and while I look calm and collected in public, I am an entirely different person behind closed doors. I feel two faced at times. I strive to uphold God's image when around others, but not in my own home?. How is this of any benefit to anyone? *** Lately especially, I have been cold and impatient with my family. As we have traveled half-way around the world, away from our friends and family, I find myself without the accountability I had before. And so I write to you, in hopes that those who read this will be able to lift me up in prayer and help to hold me accountable. Even as we are separated by land and sea, we cannot be separated from the power of prayer. May God be glorified through my outward convictions.*** In reading through Romans today, I was drawn to Chapter 2, specifically verses 19-23. "and are confident that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of babes, having the form of knowledge and truth in the law. You, therefore, who teach another, do you not teach yourself? You who preach that a man should not steal, do you steal? You who say, “Do not commit adultery,” do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who make your boast in the law, do you dishonor God through breaking the law?" I am a mother and therefore a teacher and a light to Corin. I am called to be a living example for my son, and yet he is the one who receives most of my impatience and frustration. I find myself making excuses for my behavior when I know I am doing wrong. I "make my boast in the law" and yet I dishonor God our Father in not obeying them. I ask that you, my friends and family, would lift me up in my obedience in Faith. I desire to honor our Lord in public and in private. Please pray for me as a wife, a mother, but mostly as a daughter of God. Thank you, your sister in Christ. LL