Saturday, May 25, 2013

Confessional booth

I struggle with how much to confess and bare open to the world when it comes to my struggles. I feel at times that this is my confessional booth. To some extent, I suppose it is, but not fully. I take these hidden faults to the Lord first, but in need of prayer, I turn to those willing to listen and lift.
I struggle with the same sin and temptation of the flesh as any other human being. I make the same mistakes over and over. I do what feels good at times instead of what is right. I think of myself before others often. I fall short as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I am a worldly person with worldly desires. I have anger issues. I am fallen. I am no different from the people living next door, or below us, or across the hall. At least, I have been living like I am no different. Truly though, I am very different. I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I am made clean. I am a daughter of I AM. I am continually being sanctified by HIS truth, HIS life, HIS death and HIS ressuection. So nothing of my own accord, but the Father God, through His Son... THE only Son, bought me back from the chains of slavery to sin. I chose God, long after He chose me. You might think this is a story about me. But it is not. The person typing this biography is of little importance. The person writting these thoughts desires to be so transparent, that you would see CHRIST in her, and not the fleshly body she endwells. Christ. Colossians 3:2-3 "Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is HIDDEN with Christ in God." We are hidden with Christ in God. Wow. I sure don't feel that way sometimes. In fact, I feel like I have so much worldly make-up on that you can't even identify who this person is, let alone Who she is hidden with or in.

This forgiven sinner had been falling short again. She had allowed satan to make for her beautiful friendship bracelets. She had been flaunting them and adding to them. Soon, this poor girl was so weighted by the bracelets, that it began to bend her over until she bowed down. Finally... she was alerted to her dirty deeds, her brokeness. To her vanity and pride. To her selfish indulgences. She was burdened with heavy loads. Knowing that these bracelets were easily removed, she began to ask of her Father to cut them off one by one. Soon, the weight became light enough that she no longer needed to bow down low to the ground. She was able to lift her head, her gaze... upward. There, she could see the Light. She could feel the warmth from the Son. She turned to look back at that earthen ground after looking into the light for a time and realized the colors were not as brilliant as she'd remembered them before. The bracelets that lay cut on the ground were no longer as appealing or flattering as she once chose to believe. Her hands constantly becoming lighter from her Father's repeated answer to her pleading. She couldn't help but lift her hands as the bracelets dropped. As the last bracelet fell back toward the tempter, her arms reached full extension and she felt the warm returning embrace of her Protector. It felt so sweet, so perfect, so tender, so pure. She had been away from it for so long, she had almost forgotten that untainted Joy. She had almost forgotten how lovely His Love was, is, will always be. Oh how quickly she forgets. But even more quickly, He forgives... again and again and again. Never failing, always constant. Love. How easily other idols imitate that Love and distract this poor girl. How quickly she gives in to the desire to be loved by anyone and anything that claims to. Satan and his smooth words, his sly ways. We must gird ourselves. We are at war. Constantly.

I am reminded of the need to put on the full armor of God each morning to prepare for the daily battle. To guard my heart from the piercing arrows of lust and selfishness that Satan's soldiers shoot. Without that armor, without knowing God's battle plan, I could become a prisoner of war again. Trapped in a cell of my own sin. I am tired of being a slave to my own sin. I have been behind these self made prison walls for far toooooo long. I have confessed and laid bare m sins before the Lord. I know that He is Good. I know that He is Faithful. I just need prayer. I need someone to go before me in the battle lines against Satan until I regain my strength. I need a few front runners.

Would you be my foot soldiers? Would you pray protection from Satan's arrows? I ask that you would pray for my weaknesses, that they be made into strengths by God for God. To Him be the glory and honor. Forever, Amen.
LL