Approaching.

As the anniversary of Owen's death approaches, I have been silently holding meetings with the Lord. He knows my heart. He knows my yearnings and longings to see sweet Owen again. He knows the pangs as I watched others celebrate their birthdays this year around the same time as his... and the Lord knows just how to comfort me.

I don't really talk about Owen much in the home. It is confusing to Corin... he has not really grasped the concept of death yet. However, this week, three days so far, Corin has asked me about Owen. Corin has brought it up of his own accord and I feel as though our sweet sweet Savior is using Corin to tell me it is okay. It is okay to share Owen with others. It is okay to show others I am sad sometimes and to let people into my world of hurt and joy. It is okay, Lindsey. I struggle, a LOT, with knowing when I should share the story and when I should just keep my mouth shut to save them and myself from an awkward situation. But then I wonder... Am I short changing God? If He is to use the testimony of Owen's life and death for His glory, is hiding the fact that O ever existed helping in that? Am I hiding his story for fear of others' reactions? It is hard to know how one will react to me sharing that chapter of our life with them. It is hard to know if strangers should be let in on that vulnerable heartstring in our journey or just close friends?. When is the most appropriate time to bring it up? Wait for it to casually enter conversation? But it is not a casual conversation piece. IT is hard knowing. It is hard being emotionally tugged like that when someone asks us about our family.

Yes, I am intentionally being vague in this post. It is still hard. The strings are tight. The anniversary is near.

Feedback? Thoughts? I'd love to hear them. In a comment or an e-mail... not picky. Maybe a comment as I am sure there are others out there who struggle with the same thoughts. Maybe not over the same trial, but loss tends to come with these apprehensions whether over family, friends, displacement... etc.
LL