Homesick.

Getting a little homesick here...
Taylor and I are both starting to really miss those we left back home as we move into our 4th month in Korea. While we are finally settling into our new house, it has yet to feel like home. I know the old saying "home is where the heart is," but I think it is easier said than done to love a new place and new people in such a short amount of time. We have been making new friends here, but its not the same. It is hard starting over and having to divulge all the details of your live over and over again as you grow new friendships. It is hard having to lay it all out there and hope for the best, when you know in the back of your mind that back home, your friends already know your heart, your past, your flaws...
I miss having accountability partners. The most awkward thing about developing new friendships is trying to figure out how they will take loving discipline. I need for those around me to call me out on my sins and hold me accountable to my goals... but it seems like new relationships are not the place for that to happen. Everyone is afraid the friendship will fall apart before it is even brought together if they call one another out in their sin. Of course this is to be done in a loving way, but what does the other person consider a loving way? Geeesh... so many things you have to learn about one anothers' character.
It makes me think of my relationship with the Lord in some ways. It is hard to know you are sinning sometimes unless you take the time to get to know God's character and read his words. Unless you make the effort to spend time with your Savior, you will never know how to Love Him the way He desires us to. You will never form the relationship you so desire yourself and in turn, you can not conform to His image. I suppose we all want things to just "happen." To have new best friends instantly when we are lonely, or to be conformed to the image of Christ in one day! (For me, the latter is definitely true...) But in the end, it is all worth the effort and worth the lessons learned through our mistakes in those efforts.
Just thinking out loud today... just coveting your prayers for us as the homesickness comes in waves. Just waiting for the Lord to return and take us to the home I truely long for...
Homesick for Heaven,
LL

Such sweet sorrow...

More and more memories flood my mind as Owen's birthday approaches. Most of which are not of joy, but of sorrow. I find myself giving into the temptation to wonder...wonder what he might look like now. What his first words would have been. How he and Corin would be getting along... or not. There are many things I wonder about, but I then am reminded that he is enjoying the best celebration to ever be had. That Owen is smiling and cooing in the presence of his Heavenly Father. If nothing else, this one thought brings me joy as Owen's birthday draws closer and closer. That joy is merely a thread though for now... as I still feel an empty hole at the core of my heart. I still feel a longing for him to be in MY presence, in MY arms, in MY day to day life. I miss what could have been and what was. As Taylor and I talk about more children, I can't help but wonder if I will somehow struggle with felling as though I am "replacing" Owen. I have yet to hold a baby and wish them to be my own, but I am afraid of that feeling creeping in once we have our own. I am especially fearful for this if we were to have another boy. I wish I could convey my thoughts more clearly... but words can only do so much.

As of late, I have been struggling in my walk with the Lord. I have been through the gamit of questions, doubts and fears. I have been reliant upon myself to answer these questions and not looking to my Savior. But I am lacking the motivation to seek Him, to Trust Him to do good through my "misfortunes." As I learn to be content in the home here, where there are no daytime companions, I struggle to turn to the Lord for that comfort and companionship. I find other activities that consume my time... be it cooking or watching movies or even cleaning. It seems I have so many "distractions" that prevent me from reading God's word and praying more often. Please pray that I would be stirred. Pray that I would have peace during this season as I remember a son loved and lost. Pray that I would be able to connect with my Lord through this in that He has suffered a similar loss once too. Please pray that my actions would represent Christ to Corin and those around me, and that I would be reminded of this as I make my choices throughout the day. Thank you in advance for your prayers. I feel a little lonely here at times, but I know I am not alone...
LL
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. ~Deuteronomy 31:8