I struggle with how much to confess and bare open to the world when it comes to my struggles. I feel at times that this is my confessional booth. To some extent, I suppose it is, but not fully. I take these hidden faults to the Lord first, but in need of prayer, I turn to those willing to listen and lift.
I struggle with the same sin and temptation of the flesh as any other human being. I make the same mistakes over and over. I do what feels good at times instead of what is right. I think of myself before others often. I fall short as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I am a worldly person with worldly desires. I have anger issues. I am fallen. I am no different from the people living next door, or below us, or across the hall. At least, I have been living like I am no different. Truly though, I am very different. I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I am made clean. I am a daughter of I AM. I am continually being sanctified by HIS truth, HIS life, HIS death and HIS ressuection. So nothing of my own accord, but the Father God, through His Son... THE only Son, bought me back from the chains of slavery to sin. I chose God, long after He chose me. You might think this is a story about me. But it is not. The person typing this biography is of little importance. The person writting these thoughts desires to be so transparent, that you would see CHRIST in her, and not the fleshly body she endwells. Christ. Colossians 3:2-3 "Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is HIDDEN with Christ in God." We are hidden with Christ in God. Wow. I sure don't feel that way sometimes. In fact, I feel like I have so much worldly make-up on that you can't even identify who this person is, let alone Who she is hidden with or in.
This forgiven sinner had been falling short again. She had allowed satan to make for her beautiful friendship bracelets. She had been flaunting them and adding to them. Soon, this poor girl was so weighted by the bracelets, that it began to bend her over until she bowed down. Finally... she was alerted to her dirty deeds, her brokeness. To her vanity and pride. To her selfish indulgences. She was burdened with heavy loads. Knowing that these bracelets were easily removed, she began to ask of her Father to cut them off one by one. Soon, the weight became light enough that she no longer needed to bow down low to the ground. She was able to lift her head, her gaze... upward. There, she could see the Light. She could feel the warmth from the Son. She turned to look back at that earthen ground after looking into the light for a time and realized the colors were not as brilliant as she'd remembered them before. The bracelets that lay cut on the ground were no longer as appealing or flattering as she once chose to believe. Her hands constantly becoming lighter from her Father's repeated answer to her pleading. She couldn't help but lift her hands as the bracelets dropped. As the last bracelet fell back toward the tempter, her arms reached full extension and she felt the warm returning embrace of her Protector. It felt so sweet, so perfect, so tender, so pure. She had been away from it for so long, she had almost forgotten that untainted Joy. She had almost forgotten how lovely His Love was, is, will always be. Oh how quickly she forgets. But even more quickly, He forgives... again and again and again. Never failing, always constant. Love. How easily other idols imitate that Love and distract this poor girl. How quickly she gives in to the desire to be loved by anyone and anything that claims to. Satan and his smooth words, his sly ways. We must gird ourselves. We are at war. Constantly.
I am reminded of the need to put on the full armor of God each morning to prepare for the daily battle. To guard my heart from the piercing arrows of lust and selfishness that Satan's soldiers shoot. Without that armor, without knowing God's battle plan, I could become a prisoner of war again. Trapped in a cell of my own sin. I am tired of being a slave to my own sin. I have been behind these self made prison walls for far toooooo long. I have confessed and laid bare m sins before the Lord. I know that He is Good. I know that He is Faithful. I just need prayer. I need someone to go before me in the battle lines against Satan until I regain my strength. I need a few front runners.
Would you be my foot soldiers? Would you pray protection from Satan's arrows? I ask that you would pray for my weaknesses, that they be made into strengths by God for God. To Him be the glory and honor. Forever, Amen.
LL
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Approaching.
As the anniversary of Owen's death approaches, I have been silently holding meetings with the Lord. He knows my heart. He knows my yearnings and longings to see sweet Owen again. He knows the pangs as I watched others celebrate their birthdays this year around the same time as his... and the Lord knows just how to comfort me.
I don't really talk about Owen much in the home. It is confusing to Corin... he has not really grasped the concept of death yet. However, this week, three days so far, Corin has asked me about Owen. Corin has brought it up of his own accord and I feel as though our sweet sweet Savior is using Corin to tell me it is okay. It is okay to share Owen with others. It is okay to show others I am sad sometimes and to let people into my world of hurt and joy. It is okay, Lindsey. I struggle, a LOT, with knowing when I should share the story and when I should just keep my mouth shut to save them and myself from an awkward situation. But then I wonder... Am I short changing God? If He is to use the testimony of Owen's life and death for His glory, is hiding the fact that O ever existed helping in that? Am I hiding his story for fear of others' reactions? It is hard to know how one will react to me sharing that chapter of our life with them. It is hard to know if strangers should be let in on that vulnerable heartstring in our journey or just close friends?. When is the most appropriate time to bring it up? Wait for it to casually enter conversation? But it is not a casual conversation piece. IT is hard knowing. It is hard being emotionally tugged like that when someone asks us about our family.
Yes, I am intentionally being vague in this post. It is still hard. The strings are tight. The anniversary is near.
Feedback? Thoughts? I'd love to hear them. In a comment or an e-mail... not picky. Maybe a comment as I am sure there are others out there who struggle with the same thoughts. Maybe not over the same trial, but loss tends to come with these apprehensions whether over family, friends, displacement... etc.
LL
I don't really talk about Owen much in the home. It is confusing to Corin... he has not really grasped the concept of death yet. However, this week, three days so far, Corin has asked me about Owen. Corin has brought it up of his own accord and I feel as though our sweet sweet Savior is using Corin to tell me it is okay. It is okay to share Owen with others. It is okay to show others I am sad sometimes and to let people into my world of hurt and joy. It is okay, Lindsey. I struggle, a LOT, with knowing when I should share the story and when I should just keep my mouth shut to save them and myself from an awkward situation. But then I wonder... Am I short changing God? If He is to use the testimony of Owen's life and death for His glory, is hiding the fact that O ever existed helping in that? Am I hiding his story for fear of others' reactions? It is hard to know how one will react to me sharing that chapter of our life with them. It is hard to know if strangers should be let in on that vulnerable heartstring in our journey or just close friends?. When is the most appropriate time to bring it up? Wait for it to casually enter conversation? But it is not a casual conversation piece. IT is hard knowing. It is hard being emotionally tugged like that when someone asks us about our family.
Yes, I am intentionally being vague in this post. It is still hard. The strings are tight. The anniversary is near.
Feedback? Thoughts? I'd love to hear them. In a comment or an e-mail... not picky. Maybe a comment as I am sure there are others out there who struggle with the same thoughts. Maybe not over the same trial, but loss tends to come with these apprehensions whether over family, friends, displacement... etc.
LL
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Still the same, but different.
My father-in-law is THE human calendar. You say a date, and he pretty much has a story from one of the many years past.
I am this way to a fault. There are dates that stick out in my memory. Holidays, anniversaries, various special moments, and birthdays. I am probably best with birthdays. That is why today, June 2, was a hard day. It was a birthday that I remember fondly. A birthday that I tried oh so hard to not think about... but when you think about not thinking about something too hard, you can ONLY think about that one something that you are trying not to think about.
Today is Owen's birthday. He would have turned three. I would have made him his favorite flavored cake and his favorite meal and COrin and I would have made him a birthday poster last night. We would have skipped the ministry group meeting and gathered with family to celebrate.
Instead, we all avoid the topic. We avoid the awkward conversation of what ifs and shoulda-coulda-wouldas. It is easier that way. On our hearts, on our eyes.
Yesterday, my thoughts went something like this:
"I think about the woman I was three years ago and pity her. I pity her not only because she had no clue that her worst nightmare would become her worst memory, but also because she was so naive. So young in her faith, that she could not have known how immensely God would be using this little baby she now held to impact and shape her for eternal purposes. Three years seems like such a short time in retrospect, but I hardly recognized myself the other day in comparing the woman in the mirror with the woman in the picture holding little baby Owen. Now I do not say this to brag on my own part, because I really had NOTHING to do with the change that has occurred. I am still the selfish sinner I was before, but with greater understanding. Greater thirst, to know the One who has changed me daily through the trials fit for me."
And my thoughts today.......
... here I am, different, yet still the same. Still the same, yet different. I learned the hard way that things of this world are temporary. That life is a gift. I held my little boys so tightly. I loved my family whole heartedly. A piece of my heart died with Owen. I feel so strange. I feel like I have a hard time letting my guard down now and loving without restraint, even when it comes to my family. I build walls, I build barriers. SO have I really grown? Have I really changed? I have, but I also allowed Satan to work in my weakness and in my blindspots. The places I was not prayerful about, yep, Satan took full advantage. He snuck in and settled. I had no clue. I was naive. So three years later, I am still a naive believer... different, but still the same. Still the same, but different.
LL
I am this way to a fault. There are dates that stick out in my memory. Holidays, anniversaries, various special moments, and birthdays. I am probably best with birthdays. That is why today, June 2, was a hard day. It was a birthday that I remember fondly. A birthday that I tried oh so hard to not think about... but when you think about not thinking about something too hard, you can ONLY think about that one something that you are trying not to think about.
Today is Owen's birthday. He would have turned three. I would have made him his favorite flavored cake and his favorite meal and COrin and I would have made him a birthday poster last night. We would have skipped the ministry group meeting and gathered with family to celebrate.
Instead, we all avoid the topic. We avoid the awkward conversation of what ifs and shoulda-coulda-wouldas. It is easier that way. On our hearts, on our eyes.
Yesterday, my thoughts went something like this:
"I think about the woman I was three years ago and pity her. I pity her not only because she had no clue that her worst nightmare would become her worst memory, but also because she was so naive. So young in her faith, that she could not have known how immensely God would be using this little baby she now held to impact and shape her for eternal purposes. Three years seems like such a short time in retrospect, but I hardly recognized myself the other day in comparing the woman in the mirror with the woman in the picture holding little baby Owen. Now I do not say this to brag on my own part, because I really had NOTHING to do with the change that has occurred. I am still the selfish sinner I was before, but with greater understanding. Greater thirst, to know the One who has changed me daily through the trials fit for me."
And my thoughts today.......
... here I am, different, yet still the same. Still the same, yet different. I learned the hard way that things of this world are temporary. That life is a gift. I held my little boys so tightly. I loved my family whole heartedly. A piece of my heart died with Owen. I feel so strange. I feel like I have a hard time letting my guard down now and loving without restraint, even when it comes to my family. I build walls, I build barriers. SO have I really grown? Have I really changed? I have, but I also allowed Satan to work in my weakness and in my blindspots. The places I was not prayerful about, yep, Satan took full advantage. He snuck in and settled. I had no clue. I was naive. So three years later, I am still a naive believer... different, but still the same. Still the same, but different.
LL
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Derailed.
Confession: My time in the Scriptures... not so much lately.
I have been making, and using, every excuse in the book as of late. " Well, we have just been so busy with getting settled." "I have so much stuff going on and all I want to do is crash when I get a few minutes to myself." "I am praying a lot... that counts, right?!"
While it is true that my prayer life has been constant, dare I say more fervent, over the past couple of months, my reading has taken a total nose dive. I have been reading a lot more books with Corin (I know, another excuse.), and have not been setting aside time to read to myself. And when I do... it is not the edifying Word of Life I need so much, but have been resisting quite adamantly.
Why? Why do I shut the Lord out and refuse to hear His voice? Why would I speak with Him in Prayer and yet not listen for a response? While I know it will not come as a shocker to some, I do this in my worldly life too. I talk, talk, talk... then when it is my turn to listen, I tune out. When it is time to hear how I can improve, I tune out. When it is time to hear how I can help His Kingdom, I tune out. WHY?! ARg. I drive myself nuts with my boastful, prideful, stubborn self. I allow Satan to whisper sweet nothings in my ear and tell me that I am a good little girl for talking to God, but when it is time to listen to my amazing Savior's response I am too busy puffing up my chest with pride as I listen to Satan's lies about how great I am all on my own. I neglect to hear the TRUTH.
I am nothing. I am dust. I can do NOTHING without my Lord and Savior JESUS!!!! Hello. Wake up and smell the coffee, Lindsey, because it is time to set aside time with the Lord... and not just in prayer, but in quiet meditation on His word. Quiet... hmm. In my house, that means before the kids wake up, or after the kids go to bed. I know this is asking a lot of you, but please hold me accountable. Ask me how my reading is going. It takes two seconds, but it works wonders. Conviction is a powerful motivator. Hopefully one day I can say that I ADORE reading the Scriptures every chance I can get... sadly, I am ashamed to say, this sinner is not there just yet.
LL
I have been making, and using, every excuse in the book as of late. " Well, we have just been so busy with getting settled." "I have so much stuff going on and all I want to do is crash when I get a few minutes to myself." "I am praying a lot... that counts, right?!"
While it is true that my prayer life has been constant, dare I say more fervent, over the past couple of months, my reading has taken a total nose dive. I have been reading a lot more books with Corin (I know, another excuse.), and have not been setting aside time to read to myself. And when I do... it is not the edifying Word of Life I need so much, but have been resisting quite adamantly.
Why? Why do I shut the Lord out and refuse to hear His voice? Why would I speak with Him in Prayer and yet not listen for a response? While I know it will not come as a shocker to some, I do this in my worldly life too. I talk, talk, talk... then when it is my turn to listen, I tune out. When it is time to hear how I can improve, I tune out. When it is time to hear how I can help His Kingdom, I tune out. WHY?! ARg. I drive myself nuts with my boastful, prideful, stubborn self. I allow Satan to whisper sweet nothings in my ear and tell me that I am a good little girl for talking to God, but when it is time to listen to my amazing Savior's response I am too busy puffing up my chest with pride as I listen to Satan's lies about how great I am all on my own. I neglect to hear the TRUTH.
I am nothing. I am dust. I can do NOTHING without my Lord and Savior JESUS!!!! Hello. Wake up and smell the coffee, Lindsey, because it is time to set aside time with the Lord... and not just in prayer, but in quiet meditation on His word. Quiet... hmm. In my house, that means before the kids wake up, or after the kids go to bed. I know this is asking a lot of you, but please hold me accountable. Ask me how my reading is going. It takes two seconds, but it works wonders. Conviction is a powerful motivator. Hopefully one day I can say that I ADORE reading the Scriptures every chance I can get... sadly, I am ashamed to say, this sinner is not there just yet.
LL
Sunday, May 13, 2012
A Mother's Joy
I started a poem the other day as I reflected on what it is like being a mom. Words can never truly express the feeling, but I ventured to write out some thoughts. While this is not yet finished... I want to dedicate it to my mom. A mom who has loved me, supported me, and encouraged me throughout my life. A mom I could and never would replace. I love you mom!
Long awaiting, anxious thoughts,
Fears, joys, what ifs and what nots.
Laborious efforts, body worn,
FInally holding that tiny form.
Melting heart with every glance,
Lovingly embracing at every chance.
Prayers go up, joy flows in.
Ready for the journey to begin.
Soaking it up as baby grows,
grabby fingers, ticklish toes.
Soon they're sitting, now they crawl.
Walk, now talk, getting into it all.
Fits and fussing, bruises, bumps.
Never ending days of grumps.
Smiles, kisses, hugs and laughter,
Your sweet little shadow following after.
A mother's joy, full to the brim,
Triggered by a simple grin,
Or look, or hug, or singing aloud...
In their triumphs, you feel proud.
A mother's joy, never fully grasped,
'Til in your own arms you've clasped,
A blessing, a gift that God created,
Unique for you, never duplicated.
A love that God grows to draw us near,
Near Himself in love, awe, and fear.
A love that before, never fully known,
But once a parent, this privilege shown.
The privilege of knowing Christ's love for us all,
A love that that Lifted us up from the Fall.
God loved his children,yes me and yes you,
So much that He sent Jesus, to be pierced through.
For our sakes, our lives, our sin He was sent.
The perfect, the ONLY pure atonement.
God the Father, sent His Son,
Not His third or fourth but His only One.
I can only image the pain in His heart,
As the life of Jesus began to depart.
Through the suffering, the scoffing, the hardships the trial...
God was there watching and loving all the while.
I never knew how much a parent loves their child until I became a mom. I never knew how HARD it must have been for God to watch his Child suffer, until I tended to a hurt child of my own... and I never knew how excruciating it must have been for God to watch his Son die until I lost my own child. I am so thankful to know God's character more, through the three little blessings he has given Taylor and I. And I am so thankful for my parents in having loved me and patiently waited for my brother and I to mature into adults. Thanks mom and dad! :)
LL
Long awaiting, anxious thoughts,
Fears, joys, what ifs and what nots.
Laborious efforts, body worn,
FInally holding that tiny form.
Melting heart with every glance,
Lovingly embracing at every chance.
Prayers go up, joy flows in.
Ready for the journey to begin.
Soaking it up as baby grows,
grabby fingers, ticklish toes.
Soon they're sitting, now they crawl.
Walk, now talk, getting into it all.
Fits and fussing, bruises, bumps.
Never ending days of grumps.
Smiles, kisses, hugs and laughter,
Your sweet little shadow following after.
A mother's joy, full to the brim,
Triggered by a simple grin,
Or look, or hug, or singing aloud...
In their triumphs, you feel proud.
A mother's joy, never fully grasped,
'Til in your own arms you've clasped,
A blessing, a gift that God created,
Unique for you, never duplicated.
A love that God grows to draw us near,
Near Himself in love, awe, and fear.
A love that before, never fully known,
But once a parent, this privilege shown.
The privilege of knowing Christ's love for us all,
A love that that Lifted us up from the Fall.
God loved his children,yes me and yes you,
So much that He sent Jesus, to be pierced through.
For our sakes, our lives, our sin He was sent.
The perfect, the ONLY pure atonement.
God the Father, sent His Son,
Not His third or fourth but His only One.
I can only image the pain in His heart,
As the life of Jesus began to depart.
Through the suffering, the scoffing, the hardships the trial...
God was there watching and loving all the while.
I never knew how much a parent loves their child until I became a mom. I never knew how HARD it must have been for God to watch his Child suffer, until I tended to a hurt child of my own... and I never knew how excruciating it must have been for God to watch his Son die until I lost my own child. I am so thankful to know God's character more, through the three little blessings he has given Taylor and I. And I am so thankful for my parents in having loved me and patiently waited for my brother and I to mature into adults. Thanks mom and dad! :)
LL
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
An eye opener.
Things I have been thinking on lately? Well, honestly... the woes of nighttime feedings for the baby. For a while he was sleeping 10-11 hours through the night without waking for feedings and changes. I was elated to say the least (especially after my firstborn had been up every 1 1/2 hours through his infancy). Anyways... I was perceiving this to be a curse. A punishment of sorts. Why must I suddenly get up every three hours after everything was going soooo well? I was looking at the glass half empty.
A typical day goes as follows:
wake up.
dose myself with coffee after feeding the babe and kiddo.
read.
check e-mail.
put babe down for nap.
hang with kiddo.
snack.
feed babe.
play with boys.
clean.
make lunch.
quiet time and naps for boys. (and mommy)
clean/relax/read.
feed babe.
hang with kiddos.
make dinner.
put babe down for nap.
eat.
feed babe.
family time.
boys to bed.
hang with hubby.
sleep.
feed babe.
sleep.
feed babe.
sleep.
new day begins.
I try to squeeze prayer time in there when I can, when I get broken and tired, when I remember that the Lord is there. :/
I am not always successful. I let Him speak to me through His word... but I forget to speak with Him sometimes. To respond. To give thanks.
Enter night time feedings, stage left.
I find that I tend to spend that time in prayer. For the boys, for my hubby, for family, friends, and just giving thanks.
Something I did not really notice until the other night.
Here I had been frustrated and selfish about my interupted sleep patterns. I had been looking at the glass as half full when it was actually overflowing. I had been thinking of these in a selfish inward manner. Duh. Stinking sin nature just goes and ruins everything.
It was as if I had gone to a 3D movie, not knowing it was in 3D, and not having on the right lenses, I walked out of the viewing dissapointed at the fact that the picture was blurry and of porr quality. But as I got out of the theatre, I found perspective. I glanced back at the theatre to see people exiting with the 3D glasses in hand and smiles on their faces.
I then find myself disheartened to know that I could have enjoyed my experience so much more if I had prepared better for the event. If I had gone in with the right equiptment and attitude, I would have enjoyed the movie so much more. But I hadn't. I just rushed in trying to selfishly get the best seat and ended up missing the most enjoyable parts of the experience.
I realize that I should have been thanking the Lord for the opportunities each night to spend time with Him and to pray over the boys while they slept and to meditate on the Lord. The house is so quiet and still at nighttime feedings. They are one of my favorite times now. SOme of my most cherished moments are the ones that I used to be selfishly begrudged about. I look forward to each time that Hank wakes me during the night. He quietly eating, and me quietly talking with my Father. Pure bliss. Uninterupted BLISS. Now if only I could remember to stop, take in the situation, get the right equiptment (and attitude) and go into each little movie of life fully prepared.
I know I won't. I know I will still rush into the theatre for the best seat sometimes... but I pray that the times I do, that I would remember to look back and learn from that experience.
Sometimes, just taking a moment to reflect on the past can open your eyes to what you missed and give you something more to look forward to next time.
~ Thankful for nighttime feedings.
LL
A typical day goes as follows:
wake up.
dose myself with coffee after feeding the babe and kiddo.
read.
check e-mail.
put babe down for nap.
hang with kiddo.
snack.
feed babe.
play with boys.
clean.
make lunch.
quiet time and naps for boys. (and mommy)
clean/relax/read.
feed babe.
hang with kiddos.
make dinner.
put babe down for nap.
eat.
feed babe.
family time.
boys to bed.
hang with hubby.
sleep.
feed babe.
sleep.
feed babe.
sleep.
new day begins.
I try to squeeze prayer time in there when I can, when I get broken and tired, when I remember that the Lord is there. :/
I am not always successful. I let Him speak to me through His word... but I forget to speak with Him sometimes. To respond. To give thanks.
Enter night time feedings, stage left.
I find that I tend to spend that time in prayer. For the boys, for my hubby, for family, friends, and just giving thanks.
Something I did not really notice until the other night.
Here I had been frustrated and selfish about my interupted sleep patterns. I had been looking at the glass as half full when it was actually overflowing. I had been thinking of these in a selfish inward manner. Duh. Stinking sin nature just goes and ruins everything.
It was as if I had gone to a 3D movie, not knowing it was in 3D, and not having on the right lenses, I walked out of the viewing dissapointed at the fact that the picture was blurry and of porr quality. But as I got out of the theatre, I found perspective. I glanced back at the theatre to see people exiting with the 3D glasses in hand and smiles on their faces.
I then find myself disheartened to know that I could have enjoyed my experience so much more if I had prepared better for the event. If I had gone in with the right equiptment and attitude, I would have enjoyed the movie so much more. But I hadn't. I just rushed in trying to selfishly get the best seat and ended up missing the most enjoyable parts of the experience.
I realize that I should have been thanking the Lord for the opportunities each night to spend time with Him and to pray over the boys while they slept and to meditate on the Lord. The house is so quiet and still at nighttime feedings. They are one of my favorite times now. SOme of my most cherished moments are the ones that I used to be selfishly begrudged about. I look forward to each time that Hank wakes me during the night. He quietly eating, and me quietly talking with my Father. Pure bliss. Uninterupted BLISS. Now if only I could remember to stop, take in the situation, get the right equiptment (and attitude) and go into each little movie of life fully prepared.
I know I won't. I know I will still rush into the theatre for the best seat sometimes... but I pray that the times I do, that I would remember to look back and learn from that experience.
Sometimes, just taking a moment to reflect on the past can open your eyes to what you missed and give you something more to look forward to next time.
~ Thankful for nighttime feedings.
LL
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Out of the World and Into His Arms.
"The new man takes a new course. His conversation is in heaven. No sooner does Christ call one by effectual grace, but he immediately becomes a follower of Christ. When God has given him a new heart, he henceforth walks in His statutes. Though sin may dwell in him truly a wearisome and unwelcome guest, it has no more dominion over him. He is not one man at church and another at home. He is not a saint on his knees and a cheat in his shop. He turns from all his sins and keeps all of God's statutes, though not perfectly, yet sincerely, not allowing himself the breach of any. Now he delights in the Word, and sets himself to prayer. He has a good conscience willing in all things to live honestly without offence towards God and men (Heb. 13:18). Here you find the unsoundness of many that take themselves for good Christians. They take up the cheap and easy duties of religion, but are not thorough with the work. They are like a cake half-baked. You may find them exact in their words, punctual in their dealings, but they do not exercise themselves unto godliness; as for governing their hearts, they are strangers. You see them duly at church; but follow their families, and you see little but the worldly minded... They seem religious, but do not bridle their tongues (James 1:26)... The hypocrite is not thorough in obedience. The new man bears fruit unto holiness, and though he makes a blot, yet the law and life of jesus is what he looks for as his pattern. He respects all of God's commandments. He is sensitive in his conscience even to the little sins and little duties." ~ Joseph Alleine, A Sure Guide to Heaven, pp. 36-37
I have often been concerned with my own heart. I struggle with my own sin and therefore have questioned my salvation from time to time. I am sure we all have struggled with these thoughts early in our walk with the Lord. I am sure we have all wondered what a true believing heart produces in our lives, actions, thoughts... and I am most certain that it produces remorse. sadness. frustration. longing. determination. We are remorseful over our sins acted upon or thought upon. We are saddened at the thought that it will happen not only this once, but often. We are frustrated that we struggle with these sins when we desire so much to be like Christ in our attitutes, actions, thoughts... every aspect of life. We are longing for more of Him and less of us. We are determined to prayerfully battle this sin to the death. We are... if lining up with this process and thought pattern... followers of Christ. He IS in fact hidden in our hearts if we soo long for, and ache for, Him in these ways. I am certain. We are Christians. Not just labeled; but sealed, signed, stamped, and ready for delivery into His Kingdom. We are His... live for Him.
I feel we are all hypocrites at some point in our lives.. but you can not be so if you truly accept Him in rather than romanticize the idea of it. So take the leap... step out of this world and into His arms... He will catch you without fail... He never misses. :)
LL
I have often been concerned with my own heart. I struggle with my own sin and therefore have questioned my salvation from time to time. I am sure we all have struggled with these thoughts early in our walk with the Lord. I am sure we have all wondered what a true believing heart produces in our lives, actions, thoughts... and I am most certain that it produces remorse. sadness. frustration. longing. determination. We are remorseful over our sins acted upon or thought upon. We are saddened at the thought that it will happen not only this once, but often. We are frustrated that we struggle with these sins when we desire so much to be like Christ in our attitutes, actions, thoughts... every aspect of life. We are longing for more of Him and less of us. We are determined to prayerfully battle this sin to the death. We are... if lining up with this process and thought pattern... followers of Christ. He IS in fact hidden in our hearts if we soo long for, and ache for, Him in these ways. I am certain. We are Christians. Not just labeled; but sealed, signed, stamped, and ready for delivery into His Kingdom. We are His... live for Him.
I feel we are all hypocrites at some point in our lives.. but you can not be so if you truly accept Him in rather than romanticize the idea of it. So take the leap... step out of this world and into His arms... He will catch you without fail... He never misses. :)
LL
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